we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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