went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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