I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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