If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
