i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You're like the curious george of whores
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Randomize
