He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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