I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Randomize
