Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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