soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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