Kiss
Puke
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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