i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
