Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
