and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You need a sexual gate keeper
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
