My girlfriend figured out who you are.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
