My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
