i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
