you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i came on her dog
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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