is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
