just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
