Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
