Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
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