i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
