i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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