I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
NoShamevember. You game?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
