But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
