guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
