we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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