yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
