Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
