I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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