Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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