What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
