if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
