you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
