it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
