we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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