I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
