Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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