you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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