I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
