So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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