Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
