i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
