my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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