Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
