Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
