it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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