I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
