After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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