My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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