Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
