I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
