I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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