so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
