a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
