look no pants
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
