Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
